What forest? What trees?

Can't call? Don't say hi.

I got an email from a friend the other day. He had seen a guy I know the day before. He wrote in his email: "'So and so' says hi." I know we all do this, but when you think about the act of asking a third party to say hi to a friend of yours, well, it's actually an insult. What you're saying is, "I don't have the time or inclination to call or write you myself, so I'm saying hi via this other person who knows nothing about our relationship." Now, that's sincere. Right? The Rule: Don't ask a friend to say hi to another friend. Make the call yourself. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut.

Tattoo you

You know how you go to Google and search for pictures of yourself? You don't? Oh. The last time I searched my name I once again didn't find any pictures of myself but I did find this image of a different Erik Hansen. (There are a gazillion Erik Hansens. Very popular Scandinavian name.) Not that I'm going to get a tattoo or even thinking of getting a tattoo but if I were to get a tattoo, I'd like it to look like this one. Irregular, not too slick. It's got a nice earthy quality to it. (I probably should have saved this post for Talk Like a Pirate Day, but, well, I didn't.)

Take a nap

Latest Rule to live by: Take a nap. Reminded of the importance of napping when reading NYTimes this morning, the What's Offline piece in the Business section. Today's theme is "How to be Smarter" and one of the ways to be smarter is to take a nap after lunch. According to this article,

Previous research has shown that sleep improves memory, and “now Olaf Lahl of the University of Düsseldorf in Germany and his colleagues have struck a blow for power napping.” Their work shows that falling asleep for as little as six minutes is enough to “significantly enhance memory.”

Of course in many ways we're still in the Neanderthal mode in the workplace where if you're not at your desk doing something you're not being productive. This too shall pass. Apparently some companies, such as Nike and Deloitte Consulting, are encouraging their workers to take a brief nap.

There was an article in the New Yorker from June 2007 about the folks at Workman Publishing setting up a nap program at their offices after they published Take a Nap! Change Your Life by Sara Mednick. Businessweek magazine interviewed her back in November 2006 about the benefits of taking a nap in the middle of the day. She says the ideal nap is 20 minutes long and takes place after lunch, some time between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m.

I'm curious to find out if the Workman folks are still napping. Note to self: call them and find out if naps are still on the to-do list.

Be more than you seem

I've stolen this rule from Stephen Bayley, who I interviewed at tompeters.com about his book Life's a Pitch, which he co-authored with Roger Mavity. Stephen's half of the book has chapter titles such as "Seduction, or, how to get to yes"; "Lunch: theory and practice"; "How to be, er, confident"; and "Visual language, or, what does my tattoo say about me?" It is in this Visual language chapter that Bayley writes: "Those with an inclination to brag or exaggerate should know that Frederick the Great's advice to his troops was: 'Be more than you seem.'"

My feeling is that this notion goes beyond just not bragging about yourself. I really think it's an important concept, but not clearly understood. It's about being understated in looks and demeanor. Don't let people know everything about you. Hold some stuff in reserve. It's not about being secretive, it's just about holding something back. There's some power in keeping some stuff inside. I think of (guys, mostly) telling stories about some adventure and each guy is trying to one-up the guy before him. This is general man banter and sometimes interesting but mostly not. When you find yourself in this situation, try not telling your story, the one that outdoes all the others. (It's hard.) It's a good thing to do once in a while. Just hold back. The only who knows is you. And so you don't have a topping story for that round. So what?

Take what's offered

I was reminded of this rule recently when I interviewed Stephanie Palmer who has written a book titled Good in a Room. As part of my preparation for the talk, I downloaded a pdf of "Top Ten Tips" from her website. Number one on the list, and my rule of the day, is: Accept the water. As Stephanie says, "You should always accept hospitality—it warms up the room and gets things off to a good start."

In her case, she's talking about being in a meeting, trying to sell something to someone. But this applies to all aspects of life. I think this notion first occurred to me when I was hitchhiking around Europe when I was a younger person. As a hitchhiker, you have nothing. A pack on your back and the clothes you're wearing. And the people who pick you up have a car and the money to buy gas and all that and they frequently wanted to share whatever else they had. They often offered you something to eat or drink and I quickly learned that turning down something offered put a slight chill on the situation. You know, it's you and this other person in a small space. You want to do whatever you can to keep things "warm," as Stephanie says.